The easy path
by Daehin
Summary: I could have taken the easy path you know, could have stayed where I were. Could have given in to the idea, use you and then put it behind me as I have done all the other times. But no, I had to fight it. --- Ignores epilogue, H/D


Disclaimer: Since it seems like there have to be one I can hereby assure anyone reading that I do not own Harry Potter.

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I could have taken the easy path you know, could have stayed where I were. Could have given in to the idea, use you and then put it behind me as I have done all the other times. But no, I had to fight it. Had to start avoid you, which somehow only caused use to bump into each other even more. Everyday I tried to talk myself out of it, tried to make myself see reason and get over it. But as most people are sensible enough to know, that's not how it works. For the sake of my honor and my family name I almost managed to convince myself that I had been mistaken. Was almost able to convince myself that it was behind me. But fate, as always, was out to prove me wrong and make me learn all those lessons I apparently missed as a kid. The lessons that let you know that you only know what you hold dear once you lose it. Once it's not longer in your possession. Not because you ever where, don't get all angry with me, you know I didn't mean it that way.

Anyway, where were I? That's right, you only know what you hold dear once it's no longer close to you, once it's no longer visible. Then you realize how boring it is without it. That's what happened to me. Or, the war was what happened but that was what it meant to me. Without a warning, without no chance to prepare myself you were all of a sudden gone. Just gone. Swept of the face of the earth without a trace for me to follow. And suddenly there was nothing to keep me from the hash reality you'd unknowingly kept me from before. Most of the time at least. Suddenly I was out there, expected to be doing the one thing that I just didn't want to and left without a choice. But as many wise man has said there is always a choice. I guess that's true, but there is choices and there is real choices. After all, I am no more than a human and no matter how horrible my life has been and how little I have to look out to I was not willing to just give up on it.

So there I was, serving a madman on the straight road to, and through, hell. And in the middle of that madness suddenly you appear again and I'm asked to do the one thing I am not willing to do. Confirm you to the eagerly waiting crowds who are barely in control of their want to rip you into shreds. To this day I don't know why anyone is surprised of what I did. Didn't you think I had any back bone at all people? Did you really think so little of me? And all this talk about how I could have done more... I guess that looking back from sane safety of today it does seems like I could have but I was scared okay? Just accept it, it's not like it is anything I can change right?

And then you were gone again and I was left to deal with the madness left behind. It wasn't until the final battle that I saw you again. And when you lay dead in the giants arms I couldn't be more sure, a life without you in was not one I was willing to take part in. Though as it turned out that choice was not given to me to make, I was merely the one to do the best of what I was given. Not really being in a position to argue about anything. And again, here too I could have taken the easy path, a path without all the trouble the other held but no, once again I had to be stubborn enough to continue to believe I held a chance. What a prat I were the first time I contacted you after the war. Assuming that great hero's forgiveness would extend to me too. Without giving anything back. Oh, how wrong I was. And how I fumed over it, again you had rejected my friendship. I know, I know. That's not the most common way to offer a peace treaty but for me then it was a perfectly logical thing to do. I am, were, a Malfoy after all.

In the end, it took quite a long time before we came on speaking terms, speaking without insulting that is. Your friends were never really happy about it. They had even harder than you to forgive, strange one could think. After all, it was on you I went the hardest back in the dark days. One could expect that to make you the one not willing to forgive. But, thankfully, you did. Other ways the world, or my at least, would look very different today. There is no knowing where I would have been then. Probably locked up in that cold mansion, half mad of boredom and loneliness.

And that is many way I'm writing this, to make sure that would there ever come a day, and pray to the Gods do they exist that it never will, when I can not tell you this myself. I always have, always will, love you.

Yours truly

_Draco Potter._


End file.
